Hey Guys,

I’d like to talk to you about time wasters. These are the gals who absolutely insist on engaging in long drawn out online conversations before they’ll give you their name, phone number, or even book a date with you.  Here’s a message that a buddy of mine sent to me:

Thanks for the great response! I would prefer to chat via this site a few more times before we start exchanging personal information. I’ve had coffee with 3 gentlemen of which looked nothing like their profile and were painfully awkward so I understand your comment about people not responding well to another confident person…especially a woman. My photos are current and my name is Stephanie, when I first posted this site I was a little gun shy I know who I am and what I’m looking for so please don’t take offense to anything I write, again I’m getting the hang of this and there’s a lot of fraud going on here.

He was completely perplexed about how to answer this. So for the benefit of all of us, let’s break it down.

First, she’d prefer to have a few online conversations before deciding to go anywhere with the experience. Here’s the thing. You’re both on the site to date. Plain and simple. TO DATE. Not to become pen pals, best friends, or even each other’s therapist. Sure, she’s had a few bad experiences. Who the hell hasn’t? And yeah, guys lie all the time. This is why in The Dating Commando I tell you to be HONEST.

Being dishonest only results in awkwardness and she won’t date you again. Ever. Forget about your mad pick-up skills. Lie to her from the get-go and it’s over.

She’s a “confident” woman. Read this as “player”. She’s on the site to feel good about herself and have men chase and fawn all over her. She’s there to pick and choose at will, to feel desired and beautiful. You’re dealing with a serial dater. If you want to win this one, you absolutely MUST turn the tables and get her working hard to win you over. Don’t fall into her trap. Make her work for you.

“I know what I’m looking for…blah blah blah.” The best way to handle this is to straight up ask her what she’s looking for. Tell her you’d love to hear all about it over coffee or a glass of wine. If anything she doesn’t go for it, kick her to the curb right away and move on. Make no apology for it and don’t even offer an explanation. Respond with “I’m going to pass. All the best.” and leave it at that. She’ll respond with either “Ok, no probs” or “who the #(@$%! do you think you are?!” Either way, DO NOT reply. Just move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

And hey, if you do win her over, BONUS! Have fun and enjoy yourself. Don’t forget to buy a copy of The Dating Commando

In short, the moment she says she’d like to “chat” for a bit, it’s done. Move on, say goodbye and find someone else.